It's been six months since I have written anything.  Six long months.  During this time I have been treading water in the ocean of life.  Not really going anywhere, splashing my arms so not to sink into the deep blue.  It doesn't feel like 6 months, it feels like a lifetime.  My arms are tired from keeping me afloat.

A true mind f&ck

As you may have noticed, there is an understated kaos in my head.  A true mind f&ck if you will, and this is something I have yet to conquer.  Last year I questioned my purpose as a photographer in this world.  Does my work have meaning?  Does it speak to who I am?  Does it tell a story the world needs to hear?   For my wedding photography work, I think the purpose is clear and I love what I create and capture.  My personal work is, for no better description, not clear.

Is this because I have not given time to create my own new work?  Is it that I don't have the resources to truely do my ideas justice? Or is it that I am scared to try, for not wanting to fail to find the direction I am seeking?  It also occurs to me that it may be all three.

One portrait image I shortlisted for the ACT Awards

One portrait image I shortlisted for the ACT Awards

I have been neglecting the personal growth by not allocating time for my own projects.  I have been justifying that in my mind by the fact that allot of my free time, I have accepted requests for other peoples projects.  By filling the space, there is no room for my own ideas.

The ideas I have and the stories I want to share are grand.  I am not rich, nor famous, so I feel I would never be able to create the vision that is inside my mind.  By not trying then how can I ever be disappointed.

By not trying then how can I ever be disappointed.

Am I scared to try to find my purpose?  I thought my purpose was to be a photographer.  I know it is but now I feel there is a deeper purpose, to use my passion I have for this art to help the world somehow.  I am scared that I won't find it.

It has been a long 6 months.  What I do know now is that I must start moving forward or I will drown, so I have a choice.  Face the fears and challenges these new ideas have, or continue floating as long as I can before eventually drowning into the deep.  It's time to swim forward.

Because of these feelings I didn't enter the AIPP ACT state photography awards this year.  This is why I didn't come out to play.  I didnt think they told the story I was looking to tell.  In truth I didn't know what I wanted to say.

One wedding image that I shortlisted for the ACT Awards

One wedding image that I shortlisted for the ACT Awards

I don't know what I have to say or how I am ment to say it, however I do know I have to start trying to say something. So please stayed tuned as I hope that when I next share my personal work it will be saying something.  Not just a story but perhaps a little about me.  I think it's time for me to come out and play.

Until then my friends, please enjoy life.
 

Doug Hall
Photographer

The clown, so happy for others.  Shortlisted image for the ACT Awards.

The clown, so happy for others.  Shortlisted image for the ACT Awards.

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